


Welcome to your Other Life

by Nocturnal



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 15:15:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3534218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocturnal/pseuds/Nocturnal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Izaya and Shizuo find themselves in a parallel universe in which their counterparts are a loving yuppie couple. Chaos follows suit as the quartet clashes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Izaya was strolling down the street, humming a tune and thinking about what to do later in the evening. Perhaps tease a few schoolgirls into jumping from a building or maybe gather some intel online. He turned a corner and suddenly Ikebukuro was gone. Instead of the garish neon lights and all the hollering from street vendors, he was walking along two-storied houses fronted by well-trimmed green lawns and separated by white picket fences. He blinked and turned around but there was no Tokyo to be seen as far as the eye could see. Instead there was this uncanny scenario straight from an American sitcom. If it was a hallucination, it was a very realistic one, Izaya could smell wet grass, catch the faint scent of baked pies cooling by the window and hear kids shouting in some other block.

A bright sunny day was around him to add more to the feeling of otherworldliness. Any other person would probably have broken down at this point. Orihara Izaya shrugged and after a while carried on humming the exact same tune. A tiny puppy came bounding his way, shrilly barking with what Izaya felt was a death wish. His switchblade was in his hand and ready to silence the furry pest when all of a sudden Shizuo was standing in front of him which completely froze him to the ground.

"Izaya-chan! You should've told me you were taking a stroll, I would've joined you!"

Shizuo picked up the doggy and approached Izaya who did not register any of his words or take in the amicable tone in which they were spoke.

"Shizu-chan, I was just passing by. Gotta go now."

Izaya was ready to make a run for it but horrible furry creature lurched from Shizuo's arms and ran in front of him, causing him to trip and fall flat on his face.

"Izzy-chan! Are you okay? Let us get you home and-"

"Don't hit me!"

Izaya shielded himself and cried out of instinct. Shizuo was far too close, already kneeling by his side and that meant that Izaya was within punching range, in other words: as good as dead. A look of horror crossed Shizuo's face. Izaya noticed that his glasses were tinted pink. Maybe Shizuo had already killed him and this was hell.

"Izzy-chan, I'd never do such a thing! Maybe it's some kind of sunstroke or something. Let's get you inside, I'm calling the doctor."

Izaya crawled away then got up with a jolt. He tried to flee again but Shizuo grabbed his hand and stared at it with wide eyes.

"You're bleeding! This is not good, must get you some first aid. You can never be too careful with wounds."

Izaya was greatly confused. Magically disappearing metropolises he could handle, television set streets popping out of nowhere he could cope with, but Shizuo making a fuss over a cut that was so tiny, he did not even feel, was too much. Now that he paid close attention, Shizuo looked quite different. He was wearing some sort of jumpsuit and his hair was cropped shorter than usual. Then there were the strange glasses.

"Shizu-chan? It's you, right? Heiwajima Shizuo?"

Shizuo laughed.

"You're always so funny, Izzy."

"Izzy?"

Izaya found himself ushered into a one of the very neat houses that turned out to be even more tidy and pretty on the inside. Shizuo produced an elaborate first aid kit and a disinfectant. He looked exceedingly worried as he looked into Izaya's eyes.

"Now Izzy, this will hurt a bit. Just bear with it for a while, okay?"

"Who the hell are you calling 'Izzy'? And just give me that."

Izaya disinfected and bandaged the insignificant cut without even batting an eyelash. Something way too creepy was going on here and he wanted nothing to do with it. He was about to leave when he heard his own voice chirping merrily.

"Shizzy! I'm home! Guess what, today I drove past this new Italian restaurant. We should check it out, make it a romantic night out. What do you think?"  
Izaya paled. His own self was standing on the threshold, a longer version of his trademark jacket on, and carrying the small dog under his arm. Izaya's jaw dropped. He stared in complete confusion. For once in his life Orihara Izaya's mind was utterly blank.

The other Izaya stared back. After a whole minute of silence he put down the dog and said:

"My, aren't you a handsome fellow!"

Izaya snapped. He swiveled his blade and aimed them at the far too familiar pair.

"You move and I'm slashing your pet into ribbons."

They gasped. The other Izaya hugged the dreadful little bugger in question and Shizuo shuffled very uncomfortably.

"There's no need for violence. I don't understand what's going on here but I am really against violence."

Izaya looked from one to the other.

"Then you can't possibly be Shizu-chan. And who the devil are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Orihara Izaya, friends call me Izzy."

"I'm Orihara Izaya and no one dares calls me anything else."

"We can't be the same person…maybe you're my long lost twin?"

Shizuo smiled conciliatorily.

"Yes, it must be some sort of misunderstanding. But how extraordinary!"

"Verily so, darling!"

Izaya rolled his eyes. Whoever these people were, they were idiots. That much was clear. Before he could come to other conclusions, a sign post smashed through the window and Shizuo, the Shizu-chan Izaya knew so well, was kicking at the broken glass as he climbed into the tastefully decorated living room that was rapidly becoming a mess.

"Izaya! Thought you could run away from me? Think again, smartass! I told you to get out of my turf and-"

Shizuo halted. A deep furrow formed between his eyes. He looked from one Izaya that stood predatorily-like with his knife out and the strange Izaya with the weird tunic or whatever it was. A blonde eyebrow twitched.

"Fuck me. Two of them. Two fucking Izayas. Because one wasn't bad enough. Oh no. Now there's two of them. Screw this."

"Shizu-chan! You're back! Look, we've got to find a way of getting back to Tokyo-"

"Eh? Say what, Izaya-kun? If there's two of you now that means I have twice as many bastards to beat into a pulp."

Shizuo spat out his cigarette and stepped on shattered glass, the sign post firmly held in his powerful hand.

"Don't you think this is too weird? Look around! You got a doppelganger too!"

Shizuo noticed the other Shizuo.

"I am afraid that I must call the police. This is trespassing and-"

And no one ever found out what more offenses he could pin on Shizu-chan because dear Shizu-chan hit him in the head with his current weapon of choice.

"Not anymore I don't. Only two Izayas now."

"Shizzy!"

Izaya rolled his eyes again and sighed.

"Could you please not sound so pathetic? Since you look like me and all that."

Izzy was too busy sobbing over Shizzy who was flat out passed out.

"I-za-ya-kun? After I'm done with your clone, I'm going to finally kill you."

Shizuo smiled with dangerous intent.

"Goddamn, Shizu. Will you put that aside for a sec? We should be working together to find out just what this place is, how we got here and more importantly how we-"

"Blah, blah, blah. You sure don't know when to shut up."

Without further ado Shizuo shoved Izzy aside and sent him flying against a wall. Izaya flinched. So that's how he looked when Shizuo went all crazy on him.

"Shizu-chan, let us calm down and think about this."

"'Calm down'? No can do. I've put up with you for way too long and now thanks to your sorry ass I'm stuck here- wherever this is and I'll be damned if you're getting away with it."

"What? I have nothing to do with this, we're in the same boat here. I have no idea what's going on."

Shizuo seem to consider this.

"Shit."

"I was going to ask these guys but you pretty much screwed that."

 

Shizuo kicked Shizzy.

"They're not dead."

"I can't interrogate them when they're knocked out! Let's just look around and see what we can find out. And cover this mess, I don't want to deal with nosey neighbors."

Shizuo pulled the curtains to hide the broken window.

"Big place."

Izaya rummaged through Izzy's pockets and inspected his wallet.

"What do you know, he's Orihara Izaya according to the driver's license. Wow, guy's loaded. Look at all these bills!"

Izaya made of fan of money that he then pocketed.

"Filthy thief."

"Now, now, I'm not stealing. He's Orihara Izaya, I'm Orihara Izaya, so this money belongs to me as much as it does to him. Oh, look, he's a stockbroker. Nice. You go through Shizzy's stuff."

Shizuo grunted and mumbled something about stupid names.

"This one's also loaded. Says in this thingy that he's in real estate."

"So respectful! I am amazed. Let me try something."

Izaya punched a number on his phone and two distinct ringing tones sprang, one from Shizzy cell and the other from Shizuo's.

"Same number and all! Unbelievable."

"How do you have my number in the first place?"

"Never mind that now."

Izaya punched another number and waited.

"Not working. Can't contact people back in Tokyo."

Shizuo found a drinks' cabinet and took a swig of vintage whiskey.

"Good shit."

"Shizu-chan, now's not the time to get drunk."

A grunt was the only reply. Izaya ignored it and hopped to the first floor via a rose wood flight of stairs. He ambled into a huge bedroom with a massive double bed and there it was what he fully expected to find, a laptop. Izaya lost no time logging in, shaking his head at the folly of leaving such a thing without password protection, and chuckled at the wallpaper that was showed the annoying puppy. A few minutes of browsing made him forget all about stupid pets. He shouted from the banister over the stairs.

"Shizu-chan! Drop the booze and get here now!"

"Don't wanna."

"I found out where we are…and…you're not going to believe it."

Shizuo cursed but at length he joined Izaya.

"So what, genius boy? Where the fuck are we?"

"Shibuya."

"Aren't you a funny one."

"I'm not kidding. This is Shibuya…or a Shibuya, to be more precise."

"Huh?"

Izaya turned the monitor to face Shizuo. Two-storied houses, green lawns, and Tokyo tower right in the middle of a street exactly like the one they were on.  
"What the fuck?"

"All Tokyo's like this. Apparently we are in some kind of alternative dimension or parallel world. In this world Tokyo was rebuilt by an American company after WWII and even after that this weird design became so popular that the entire city is like it."

Shizuo scratched his head.

"I don't get it."

"Ever heard of 'many-worlds'?"

"You're giving me a headache."

"Gee, I bet that has nothing to do with the whiskey, huh."

"Izaya-"

"Oh look, a video. Let's see."

Izaya clicked on the icon and moved to the bed that bounced when he hit it.

"Can't you just leave it alone? Just what are you, a voyeur?"

"Pretty much. And look, waterbed! Nice. Really nice. I could get used to this life but what would I do without tall buildings?"

Shizuo's reply was again a grunt but he joined Izaya in watching the video. They recognized the room right away, the bed gave it away. And they also recognized the slim brunette that was on all fours on the black sheets, completely naked and very hard.

Izaya whistled.

"I'm sexy in all worlds and in every single dimension."

Shizuo snorted. But he did not turn away from the laptop where Izzy was pushing a vibrator into his ass and moaning softly under his breath. Izaya watched very close as his counterpart slowly pushed the toy in and out in a slow motion, now this was what he called entertainment. Izzy sat with the throbbing device deep inside and spread his legs wide open.

"Shizzy, don't just stand there watching…"

Shizuo gasped as his own counterpart stepped into view, also very naked and sporting a dripping hard-on. Izaya whistled again and stole a glance at Shizuo who was frowning darkly in that angry way of his. Izaya shifted, his pants were getting a tad tight around the groin area.

The two naked men mingled in a kiss, limbs entangled, cocks rubbing together. It lasted a small eternity in which Shizuo's frown darkened while he became hard. Izaya could hear his own voice distorted in a series of whimpering moans and it was much hotter than he could have imagined. Shizzy pulled out the vibrator and after asking for permission thrust into him. They locked hands as they rocked in tandem, calling out each other's names and hardly breaking the kiss even as they came. It took a long time before Shizzy pulled out and Izzy cuddled happily and giggled.

Izaya swallowed. It had been a while since the last time he had been this aroused. Shizuo did not budge nor did he utter anything.

"Heh…I always knew I could have a career as a porn star. Only goes to show I was right."

"Hmph. That guy isn't you at all. They're all lovey dovey, makes me sick."

"It also made you horny by the looks of it."

"Shut the hell up. I'm no homo."

Shizuo snarled. Izaya tumbled back in bed and spread out his arms.

"Yeah, yeah. You're the straightest guy this side of the Edo."

"You think everybody wants you."

"Correction, Shizu-chan. I know everybody wants me. Can't blame them since I am hot."

Izaya removed his jacket. Shizuo did not want to notice how the flimsy shirt drew every detail from Izaya's body, hard nipples stood out through the fabric and Izaya pinched them.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Getting off. If you don't like it, don't look."

Izaya unzipped his erection and proceeded to pump himself, fast and furiously, his left hand roamed his whole body.

"Oh, Shizzy…"

"You're thinking about that loser?"

Izaya turned heavy lidded eyes to him.

"Got a problem with that?"

Shizuo watched him very closely. Izaya slowed down to give him a show.

"Guy's a peace loving pussy."

"Well maybe I don't want abusive borderline legal sex but some sweet lovemaking."

Shizuo humphed.

"Yeah, right. And maybe pigs fly."

"Maybe they do in this world."

Izaya picked up speed, a bit of pre-cum oozing as he squeezed.

"Funny. Haha."

"Shizzy-"

"Shut up with this 'Shizzy' talk! Guy looks like me, it's weird if you say his name-"

"Finally catching up, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo pounced. He was all over Izaya, kissing, biting, undressing.

"Fuck you, Izaya."

"I was hoping for that."

Shizuo held him down more forcibly than needed. And it was in the same spirit that he lifted Izaya's legs and rammed into him, crushing their bodies together. Izaya hissed at the sudden and painful intrusion. He gripped the covers and held on for dear life. Unceremonious grunts as he set for a fast pace was about as romantic as was his fucking: not at all, but this kind of raw sex was without a doubt Izaya's thing. Which did not keep him from teasing Shizuo.

"Shizu-chan…ever heard of foreplay?"

"Waste of time."

Izaya wrapped his legs around Shizuo's body, feeling bulging muscle just under sweat covered skin. Hot hardness filled him over and over again. There was less bite to his kissing now but Izaya had a vague impression that he was bleeding. Not that he could bring himself to care either way, he was edging closer with each deep thrust.

"You guys can't do that in our bed!"

Shizuo did not even spare a glance at the owner of the hysteric voice screaming at the threshold. Izaya could just partially see the clone couple, Shizzy in front while Izzy hide behind him.

"Well, hi there! We're just borrowing it for a while- fuck, Shizu-chan…"

Izaya always wanted to do this with an audience. It added another thrill to it all. Shizuo, however, hardly noticed any third parties. He pulled Izaya's arms over his head and held both wrists with just one hand. Izaya screamed not so much in pain as with sharp pleasure that heated him from within and then spread outward. He came violently, trembling and splashing Shizuo who came a few short moments later. Shizuo pulled out while Izaya was still enjoying his afterglow. The covers were now a mess.

"My vest's dirty, you bastard!"

Izaya stretched.

"Not my fault you didn't get naked."

Shizzy interrupted this wonderful pillow talk moment.

"I don't know who you people are, where you came from or why you look just like us- but you're trespassing! And doing…stuff in our bed!"

Izaya calmly cleaned himself.

"Ah, you're almost like Shizu-chan when you get mad. Glad to see you're still alive and kicking."

Izzy peeped from behind Shizzy with barely contained curiosity, leaving Izaya to conclude that it took more than alternative versions of himself to take the kink out of Orihara Izaya.

"Shit's messed up."

Izaya did not know precisely what Shizuo was talking about. It did not matter much as far as he was concerned. Shizuo lit a cigarette and his frantic puffing immediately activated the smoke detector and sent showers of water raining on everyone.

"Smoking's been outlawed years ago! What are you doing?"

Shizuo stared at his counterpart, glaring furiously. The water ebbed away but he was already drenched to the bone. Not a happy camper.

"So apart from the fucked up buildings and creepy gushy love-love crap this world doesn't have cigs? Shit's so messed up."

"Huh? This world? What?"

Izaya picked up his now wet jacket and wringed it a bit.

"To make this less confusing, I'm Izaya, he's Shizuo. We come from a parallel universe, or whatever you want to call it, in which Tokyo isn't Desperate Housewives. Nice to meet you and congrats on your video skills, that porn was hot."

Shizzy blushed, Izzy giggled very much like a schoolgirl.

"That was private- and what do you mean, parallel universe?"

Izaya picked up some clothes from a closet and handed Shizuo something dry to wear as well. He then flipped open his cell phone and displayed a picture of city at night. Shizzy looked at it and blinked confusedly.

"That's Tokyo…?"

"Indeed it is! Our Tokyo, at least. And so far it seems to beat yours by far."

Izzy stepped from the cover of Shizuo's body and looked at the tall buildings illuminated in neon light.

"Oh, this city looks amazing! I want to visit."

Izaya gave him a thumbs up.

"I'll give you a personal tour one of these days. I know Tokyo inside out."

Shizuo mumbled darkly,

"Just don't get near Ikebukuro, I've fucking told you this a million times."

"This is Shibuya, though. You didn't say a thing about Shibuya."

Shizuo barked.

"You know what I meant!"

Izzy leaned against Shizzy, half going through the pictures in the phone and half looking at Shizuo and Izaya.

"So, what do you guys do in this city?"

Shizzy glanced at his partner.

"Izzy, we shouldn't be talking with these people."

"Why not? Aren't you curious about them? This is absolutely amazing! Sure, the wrecked window downstairs and the dirty bed covers are not nice but it's kind of hot that they watched our video."

Shizuo pointed at Shizzy.

"Couldn't you find a decent girlfriend? Izayas are bad news. All of them."

Izaya waved dismissively.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Shizuo here is a bouncer at a bar-"

"It's called 'bartender'! Don't make it sound shady!"

"-and I deal with information."

Izzy turned to Shizzy and beamed.

"Isn't it great? They're like us and just like us they're a couple! It goes to show our love exists in all layers of reality."

Shizuo grew positively pale with rage.

"Are you fucking stupid? I don't love this louse, love my fucking ass! I hate Izaya! He's made my life a living hell, he's a dirty lowlife, a filthy thief!"

Izzy looked puzzled.

"But just now…you were having sex, so-"

"Ah well, I suppose this makes us sex buddies. Right, Shizu-chan?"

"Go die in a ditch, I'm not your buddy in any way. You're a slut and Ikebukuro's cum dump."

Izaya shrugged. Same old.

"Mister, you look like me but you seem to have severe anger management issues. Have you considered trying yoga?"

Shizuo gritted his teeth.

"How about I punch your face in?"

"Violence doesn't solve anything."

"You heard him, Shizu-chan! Actually, if you want to be Freudian about it, the reason why your temper is so short is because you're sublimating your sexual needs and channeling them into violence."

Shizuo was about to go on a bloody rampage so Izaya decided to backpedal rapidly.

"On a more serious note, how did you end up here? I was just about to reach the Sunshine building when-"

"I told you not to set a foot in Ikebukuro! Bet that was what triggered all this!"

"You do realize that doesn't make any sense?"

"Whatever. Fuck this."

"Just try to remember what you were doing at the time."

Izzy and Shizzy took seats and watched their counterparts as one would watch a soap opera.

"I was taking a break when I heard you were prancing about like the disrespectful bitch you are. So I got a sign post and charged ahead in the hopes of finding you, when I was close to the Sunshine Tokyo disappeared and I was in this trippy place. That's when I saw fucking Izzy here driving and chased him here."

"Hmm…so maybe the Sunshine building is connected, somehow."

They were considering this, or at least Izaya was, when Izzy chimed in.

"Let's have lunch! I'm sure we'll think of something once we have some food in our bellies."

*

That was how the four of them found themselves sitting in a large kitchen about half an hour later and eating tasty rolls of sushi with varying degrees of eagerness. Shizuo, for all his complaining, had nothing to add as he wolfed down the food in front of him. Shizzy was more interested in paying attention to the chirpy conversation between the Izayas and only occasionally picked a bit of mackerel and seaweed from his plate. Izzy and Izaya hardly ate at all but instead talked and talked.

"So, when did you meet Shizzy?"

"It was at our high school entrance ceremony. I knew it was love at first sight!"

"A bit like us, then, minus the love part."

"And how was your first time together?"

"You shouldn't ask about that! It's private."

Izzy pouted.

"Why not? It's like talking to myself. I want to know and I'm sure Izaya doesn't mind talking about it."

Shizuo munched a shrimp. He was doing his best to block out everything other than the food.

"I'm cool talking about it, sure. Around thirty minutes ago in your bedroom."

"Really? I'd think you'd do it a lot sooner."

Izaya shrugged and tried some wasabi. At least in this world the food was essentially the same.

"Normally Shizu-chan just chases me, beats me up, threatens to kill me, insults me, chases me some more, bludgeons me in the head with sign posts and his favorite is throwing vending machines at me."

Izzy's eyes widened comically.

"Oh, and that's…foreplay?"

Shizuo broke a chopstick.

"I'm trying to kill the louse!"

Izaya ignored the outburst and carried on chatting with his counterpart.

"How about your first time together?"

"It was on Valentine's day! I made Shizzy some cookies and spread the rest of the chocolate on myself-"

"Izzy! Don't go into details, please."

"Don't be so uptight! I always wanted to have a twin brother and this is even better."

Shizuo grunted in the background and added,

"One louse, two louses, fucking hell."

"Izaya, I had plans to go to this new sex store, to spice up things a bit. Why don't we go together?"

"Great idea."

"But- but Izzy, you already have me! And that vibrator- are you saying I'm not enough?"

"Of course I love you but at times I'd like to try something new, you know?"

Shizzy pouted and Shizuo suddenly finished his meal and dragged him by the arm.

"That's it, you are going to man up some even if it kills you."

"Izzy! Save me!"

"Bye bye, Shizzy darling! We'll be back as soon as I find something nice! You have fun with our new friend now!"

Izzy waved and flashed him a hyper friendly smile. Shizzy's protests grew faint as Shizuo dragged him away to who knew where. Izaya smiled himself, later he would try to find a way back but for the time being he was going to enjoy the ride. After all this could be a world of fun.


	2. Chapter 2

Izzy's car turned out to be a flashy red Ferrari. Izaya whistled as he hopped in and fastened the seatbelt.  
"Nice set of wheels you got here."

"Isn't it? Shizzy wanted one of those wagons but that's just so boring. Totally unstylish."

Izaya laughed and wondered if he could impersonate Izzy well enough to hijack his bank account.

"Can't have that."

"So I settled for this as a compromise."

A tiny Shizzy figure served as a keychain for the ignition key, pure chibi style with disproportionally large head, tiny body and humongous glasses. How cute, Izaya thought. If it were up to him he might get a Shizuo voodoo doll instead and practice his knife work on it. In this Tokyo there was hardly any traffic so it was smooth sailing until the store that needless be said was located in a two-storied house behind a manicured green lawn. The one difference was that there was the suspiciously phallic topiary.

"Time to max this baby!"

Izzy produced a credit card and smiled cockily. Izaya followed him into the store.

"Did you buy that vibrator yourself?"

"Yeah. Shizzy just doesn't have much kink in him, I'm afraid. Such a shame, too."

"You can count on my help."

They drifted to the bondage section and Izzy perked up considerably.

"Oh, ever tried any of this?"

"Sure have! It's great fun…oh yes. I say you buy some and then we'll hit the anal beads. Those are heavenly. And of course, edible underwear."

"And flavored condoms!"

Without a doubt great minds thought alike, Izaya concluded.

*

Meanwhile Shizuo had found a well-equipped gym in the basement and unceremoniously dragged Shizzy there. Shizuo found the smoke detectors and smashed them with the sign post that he had picked up somewhere along the line.

"This is what I don't get. How did you become a pussy?"

Shizzy tried to gather his bearings.

"I'm a civilized person! Unlike you people that go around destroying other people's property!"

Shizuo handed him a cigarette.

"That louse must've stolen your balls. What a disgrace. I'll have you know that a real man smokes. So we'll start with that. Smoke."

Shizzy looked at the foreign object.

"Smoking's been outlawed, I've told you this alrea-"

Shizuo put an end to the rest of the complaint by shoving the cigarette into Shizzy's mouth, keeping it closed by applying a strong hand to his chin. Shizuo was very close as he snarled,

"A real man doesn't give a damn about that. You're gonna smoke, whether you like it or not."

He lit the cigarette. Shizzy was spluttering and coughing in no time, swallowing smoke as he tried to get some air into his aching lungs. Shizuo shook his head.

"This is what happens when you let Izaya get to you. Pathetic."

Shizzy wiped tears from his eyes. This was awful.

"He's Izzy, not Izaya-"

"Izzy, Fizzy, Dizzy, I don't give a shit. Hit the treadmill now."

Shizuo roughly pushed him into one of the many treadmills and set it on maximum right away while he enjoyed a cigarette himself. Shizzy nearly collapsed as the floor ran under him.

"Hey! Not so fast!"

"You got all these fancy gym thingies and you can't even handle them? Just how pathetic are you?"

Shizzy had no time to answer, Shizuo kicked him out of the machine and tossed a barbell in his direction. Shizzy grabbed it and right away he was knocked down by the weight.

"You're trying to kill me!"

"I'm turning you into a man. Now lift!"

Once Shizzy focused, he had no problem lifting but he still wished this psychotic clone-like person was not here glaring at him.

"You should really give yoga a go."

"Shut up. With so many people why did you have to choose Izaya? It's already bad that you're a homo but fucking Izaya? You're lucky he hasn't slit your throat open in your sleep yet."

"Izzy would never do that. And how can you accuse me of being a homo when you're rolling around with Izzy's lookalike!"

Shizuo waved his cigarette as close to Shizzy's face as possible without actually burning him.

"Now you listen, and you listen good. I'm not a homo. I suppose there's nothing wrong about fucking Izaya every now and then since he's a slut anyway but if I was to do him on a regular basis, I wouldn't let him go about all happy go lucky. If anything I'd make him my bitch."

Now that he thought about it, this was not a bad idea.

"I beg your pardon?"

"What do you suppose the Izayas are up to now?"

"I don't really know, buying sex toys-"

"Bloody idiot. They're probably putting those to good use. On each other."

Shizzy froze. This had not occurred to him.

"Izzy wouldn't do that."

"Like hell he wouldn't. Izayas are sleaze balls. All of them. I bet they're eating each other now like the sluts they are."

Shizzy blinked a few times. The mental picture caused him to forget about the treadmill and thus he landed on the floor. He picked himself slowly.

"You know- that is…that is actually kind of hot…"

"Shit's messed up. So messed up it's not even funny."

*

As it turned out, the Izayas were parked on a backstreet.

"I don't think Shizzy would approve of this…"

Izzy lied on his back on the plump backseat of the Ferrari and Izaya hovered above him.

"It's okay, it's all good. Think of it as masturbation."

Izzy was puzzled by this. His pants were riding low, Izaya casually touching the hip and pulling them down.

"Masturbation?"

Izaya nodded.

"You see, Izzy…I am Orihara Izaya and you're Orihara Izaya. So if I touch you it amounts to masturbation, doesn't it? I'm sure Shizzy wouldn't oppose that."  
The more Izzy considered this, the more sense it made. It only went to show what Izaya knew to be a fact: he was a genius.

"Oh, yeah…"

Izaya did away with the pants altogether. It seemed that his self also had good taste in underwear no matter whatever dimensional nexus he was on. He appreciated the black thong. Izaya rummaged through their amazing recent purchases and selected some clamps and pink fur fringed handcuffs.

"Now Izzy, if you're anything like me – apart from the obvious, that is – you should be into rough sex. And as amazing as your boyfriend may be, I bet he lacks in that department."

Izzy nodded, flushed face and deep eyes. Izaya took the opportunity to grope him through the kinky thong, nipping his neck as he lifted the shirt to let ghost-like caresses trail Izzy's heaving chest. Izzy yelped when Izaya attached a clamp to a nipple.

"Do I have to use this? Wouldn't want people to hear you."

Izaya waved a gag ball. Izzy looked at it curiously.

"That might be fun…I think."

"Ah, yes. So true. Now open up."

Izzy obeyed. The rubbery ball felt odd in his mouth but it added a certain thrill to it all.

"And might as well try these, too."

Izaya snapped the handcuffs on Izzy's wrists. He knew what he was doing as he lathered up the free nipple and tweaked the clamp on the other. Izaya pulled back and took about a minute to simply watch. Izzy blushed and hardened under the intent gaze.

"So you like being watched as well as watching."

Izaya got rid of his pants and underwear but not before he removed the switchblade from a pocket. This could very well be the ultimate fantasy. He use the tip of the blade to caress his sides, softly enough so that it did not drew blood but making sure that the sharp metal grazed the skin and left goose bumps on its wake.

"Ever tried doing it without any prep?"

Izzy shook his head. Izaya parted Izzy's knees and without further ado forced his hard length into him, bringing tears to his eyes. Izzy jolted and fought against the handcuffs that held him painfully. Izaya bit his ear and whispered.

"The best part about selfcest is that there's no such thing as rape."

He made the point by driving into him repeatedly with shallow but powerful thrusts. Izzy shook with each one and weak guttural sounds escaped him as a trail of drool spilled from his covered mouth. Izaya hooked a leg over his shoulder and brought down his whole weight to hit him with all he had. Izzy tensed, his hands clenching as pleasure bubbled up from within, unexpectedly. Izaya smiled widely.

"Forget it, I want to hear you and I don't care if this whole trippy city hears you as well."

Izaya removed the gag ball and licked Izzy's lips before muffling his muffles with a wet kiss.

"Izaya…"

"I don't get to top so often but I know a thing or two."

And in fact he knew just how to add a clamp to the other nipple and twisted it hard. Izzy squirmed and gasped.

"That's…good."

Izaya picked up his pace and angled his hips in just the right way that sent Izzy all aquiver. Bursts of hotness rocked his body and he strained against the handcuffs as control faltered. So much for the fooling-doppelganger-into-rape scenario, Izaya thought, but he was not bothered because his orgasm was upon him and made so much more explosive by the sight of himself splattering his hot mess at exactly the same time he released into convulsing tightness.

It was a while until Izaya pulled out and he snapped a shot of Izzy as he was, lying on the seat, pink fluffy handcuffs on, a white trickle seeping out.

"How was it, Izzy?"

Izaya removed the handcuffs and Izzy rolled unto his side, still trying to catch his breath.

"Best masturbation session…ever."

Izaya chuckled.

"Yeah. I like to do it in front of a mirror-"

"Me too! But this was better."

Izzy cleaned himself and made a mental note to get the car washed.

"First time doing it in a car?"

"Yes. Always wanted to try it, though…speaking of which, Izaya…I have an idea. Want to trade places for a bit?"

Izaya perked his ears.

"You mean we fool the boys back home?"

Izzy smiled in a very Izaya way.

"Precisely."

*

"So you got it? When the louses return-"

"Will you stop referring to my boyfriend as a louse!"

Shizuo fumed and gritted his teeth, speaking slowly as if to keep himself from biting his counterpart's head clean off his neck. Had Izaya been there, he would have called it a suicide attempt, kind of.

"Fine. When the Izayas return we're gonna tie them up real nice-"

"We don't even have rope."

"Stop killing my plan!"

Shizuo picked Shizzy and dangled him from his shirt lapel. He had decided to do like Izaya as far as planning ahead went but it was not working. And he was sure the whiskey bottle he had just jugged down had absolutely nothing to do with it, no.

"Put me down! Violence is not the answer!"

"Fuck you."

He dropped Shizzy who fell in a tangle of limbs. Shizzy was still struggling to his feet when Shizuo handed him the sign post.

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Smash stuff. Doesn't matter what. It's training."

As if on cue the puppy dashed toward them and barked excitedly.

"That'll do. Moving target is best since those Izayas can run. I once chased Izaya all the way from Ikebukuro to Narita airport."

"You know, for someone who hates Izaya you sure spend a lot of time talking about him not to mention chasing him…and what do you mean hit my pet?"

Shizuo lit a cigarette and his eyebrows twitched.

"What are you implying?"

"I'm saying you're obsessed, and I'm not implying, I'm outright saying it!"

Behind the colored lenses Shizuo narrowed his eyes into slits.

"I chase him around because I hate Izaya. This isn't one of those stupid stories where the guys that fight all the time want to get it on."

Shizzy tried to lift the sign post. It was heavy.

"Right. If you want to kill him so much, how come he's still very much alive?"

Shizuo dropped the cigarette.

"That's because he's fast! Why do I have to say the same thing a million times until you get it? He always dodges! And evades! And flees! Hell, he's just- a fucking louse, that's what he is!"

The whiskey got to his heated head and Shizuo ended up tripping on the mutt and falling flat on his face.

"Are you alright? You shouldn't drink so much, it's bad for you."

Shizzy helped him to his feet but they somehow got entangled and most definitely on the floor. Shizuo was drunk enough to steal a rough kiss with plenty of biting thrown in for good measure. Shizzy tried to scramble away but before he made any headway the door opened and the Izayas waltzed in.

"Shizzy! We're back! Oh? What were you doing?"

True to their innate scheming nature Izaya and Izzy had indeed swapped clothes and were happily impersonating each other for the sake of having as much fun as possible.

"Izzy…help!"

Shizuo kicked Shizzy aside and struggled to get up.

"Shizzy, how could you…I leave you alone for a few minutes and you go and cheat on me like this!"

Shizzy's jaw dropped.

"It wasn't like that! He just jumped on me!"

Izaya faked some very genuine looking tears.

"My heart is broken now!"

Shizuo managed to crawl all the way to the sofa and throw himself on it.

"Fucking louses are back."

Izzy skipped to Shizuo.

"Shizu-chan, you don't look too good! Something wrong?"

"Gah…"

That was all Shizuo could get to before vomiting on the carpet. Shizzy flipped.

"The IKEA carpet!"

Izaya wondered what he'd do if he knew what they had done to the über expensive Ferrari seats. Apparently this was a shared thought because both Izayas giggled.

"Shizu-chan seems to be sick! I know, a nice warm bath will make him feel so much better!"

Shizzy was still flailing. Izaya grabbed Shizzy's hand with both of his hands and peered, all tear-eyed.

"Shizzy, I'll forgive you if you do what's decent and help us carry Shizuo to the master bathroom."

By now the Izayas were not even making any sense. But Izaya was very convincing in pressing Shizzy's hand and looking somber. In the end, it worked:  
"Okay…I guess."

*

Shizzy agreed to it but already was he having second thoughts. The Izayas worked fast and stripped a grumpy Shizuo in no time. They ran a bath and poured some bubbly liquid into the water that turned it pinkish, a really nifty thing they were dying to try.

"Shizzy, you soap him up!"

"What? Why?"

Izaya crossed his arms and tsked.

"We can't do it ourselves, we're not strong enough and it would be weird. I'm sure Shizuo would prefer if you did it."

Shizzy did not exactly see the need for a bath but the sweet scent emanating from the water was making him rather dizzy. He hauled Shizuo into the bathtub and right away Izaya handed him a sponge and some soap.

"Bloody hell…"

Shizuo splashed around but the alcohol coupled with the weird bubbles robbed him of his strength. He could see the Izayas glowering and he wanted to smash them into smithereens. Shizzy hesitated. He was afraid of being bitten to death. At length he began sponging Shizuo, leaving a foamy trail on his broad chest. So far so good and then Shizuo simply pulled him into the tub with him and Shizzy nearly had a heart attack.

"What're you doing?"

"What are you doing, bloody hell."

Shizzy was on top of Shizuo and the bubbles were all around. He could hear the Izayas giggling.

"It was Izzy's idea!"

Shizzy knew that this was a bad idea just by looking into Shizuo's darkening face that was now far too close for comfort.

"Eh? And you do whatever the louses tell you?"

"Eek! No! But-"

"Screw you too! If you're gonna act like a little bitch, I'll treat you like a little bitch."

Shizzy turned to the Izayas for support but they were happily sitting on chairs (taken from the living room, of course) and one of them sported a recording camera (state of the art, bought with Shizzy's wages).

"Don't you mind us, Shizzy!"

"What he said!"

Shizuo gave no warning, he simply doubled Shizzy over on the tub, shredded his brand new pants and tossed out his underwear. Shizzy did try to flee and he might have accomplished it since Shizuo was somewhat groggy were it not for Izzy neatly applying the pink fluffy handcuffs to his wrists.

"Izzy, you're supposed to help me!"

"Now, now, Shizzy. It's all about trying out new things."

"Besides, tops that bottom improve considerably."

"Really?"

"Oh yes, I read it in Scientific American."

Shizzy would have disputed this but his mind was completely blank as Shizuo pried into him and non-ceremoniously gave him a hard thrust. To add to the surreal atmosphere the Izayas were watching closely and one of them was recording the whole thing. Shizzy blinked away tears. Shizuo occasionally spouted some nonsense about louses, whores, bloody hells and other things that made precious little sense. Then again Shizzy barely heard anything apart from the slashing of water, the searing pain that burnt his insides was severe.

Now, Heiwajima Shizzy was a good guy. But there is only so much a man can take and today his limit was taxed to the extreme. As a result he ended up snapping the cuffs and pinning down a rather drunk Shizuo. The weird bubbles were also having their effect on him. His voice was dangerously low as he spoke:

"You destroyed my property, assaulted me, drank my alcohol, had sex on my bed, repeatedly insulted me and my boyfriend- and I'll have a word with you later, Izzy- and I tried to be cool about it. But I draw the line at rape. In. My. Own. Bath. Tub."

"Yeah, yeah. What're you gonna do about it?"

Shizzy pushed Shizuo's head underwater and while he was still struggling for air, turned the tables on him by ramming himself into Shizuo. He held him under a while longer before letting him breathe.

"…fuck you!"

"Who's a pussy now? Huh?"

The Izayas conferred with each other and dropped their impersonating game since no one was paying attention anyway.

"My, what do you know. I guess this senseless violence is a Shizuo trademark."

"Much like our hotness?"

"Yes. Go Shizzy!"

"Yay for team Shizzy!"

As it turned out, team Shizzy was doing just fine thanks to the fact that Shizuo was far too drunk to put on much of a fight on top of being half drowned as it was. Shizzy unleashed all the pent up aggression that had been building ever since his life became chaotic and firmly secured Shizuo underwater as he gave him a few more hard thrusts and came in a high of power that lasted only as long as did the euphoria of actually releasing in the struggling replica of himself. The Izayas cheered, high fived and did a happy dance. Shizzy blinked at the sight and pulled out. A dawning sense of remorse was beginning to kick in. Shizuo spluttered, coughed and barked choked curses.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! What have I done!"

"There, there, Shizu-chan was always so mean to me that this is divine retribution!"

"Izaya, have you seen the Jacuzzi?"

"No! I want to check it out!"

"Shizzy, we're going to the Jacuzzi now. Want to join us? Just help Shizuo out of the tub before he drowns."

The Izaya left, hand in hand, and Shizzy was suddenly very afraid. Luckily Shizuo had passed out completely somewhere along the line, probably after too much cursing and so Shizzy could dry him, dress him in a fluffy robe and then carry him to a guest room. All of this took some time and by the time he was done he could hear splashing sounds coming from the Jacuzzi. After some hesitation Shizzy decided to check it out.

What he found had him speechless for quite a while. The Izayas (it was impossible to tell them apart when they were naked) were happily floating in the pink bubbles and clearly having a blast at it as they poured sweetly scented oils over each other.

He stood staring for he didn't knew how long.

"Shizzy! There's plenty of room for you here!"

There was even plenty of room for the Izayas, small as they were, but they still managed to cluster close enough to rub their bodies together.

"Eh…?"

Shizzy knew that he sounded like an idiot but the stirring below the waist made it difficult to process thoughts in a coherent manner. Not when the Izayas were so close to making out. Somehow he ended in the bubbling tub, water licking his body and enticing him to kiss one of the Izayas fully in the mouth, which he did now.

"Izzy…? That's you, right?"

"Maybe."

The other Izaya came round and wrapped his arms behind Shizzy.

"You should be able to tell the difference. Right?"

"Yeah…"

Shizzy had no idea. Truth be told, he always knew that Izzy had some rather odd kinks so maybe it was not all that odd that he should team up with his clone to spice up things a bit. The Izaya that was glued to his back began to pump him slowly, allowing the running water to enhance his ministrations. The other Izaya sat on the steps of the tub and parted his legs as he slowly masturbated, soft moans escaping from him every now and then. By now it was obvious to Shizzy that these bubbles, all pink and sticky, were some sort of very potent aphrodisiac, but knowing it did not make the effect any less strong. Then again, having not one but two Izayas double teaming on him like this was enough of a turn on in itself and he had only believed possible in dreams.

The Izaya at Shizzy's back pushed him toward the other Izaya who took both of their erections and moved a gel covered fist up and down. Shizzy was so turned on by the friction and sweet heat as the pink stuff touched his already heated skin, so much so that he did not even protest when something hard was pushed into him. Shizzy moaned despite the pain. The other Izaya spread himself wide open so that Shizzy only had to let the momentum of the thrusts delivered from behind to carry him forward and have him firmly sheathed into the Izaya in front of him.

"Heiwajima Shizuo sandwich!"

Shizzy did not even know which he liked better, if the tight hole into which he pushed for all he was worth or the hardness that struck him in just the right way over and over again. He rocked frantically and could hardly respond to the kiss with which Izaya, whichever one it was, devoured him. Shizzy was only vaguely aware that the Izayas were playing him but he did not even care.

His pace was somewhat erratic, he was not used to the rush of pleasure that dissolved everything else into a blur. The Izayas came at exactly the same time, one of them shooting deep inside Shizzy and the other splashing him with his load. Shizzy's climax followed by two thrusts after and he closed his eyes as exquisite tightness milked him.  
The Izayas let him collapse and spooned together. Shizzy watched and found himself jerking off to the sight of slender limbs entangled, long kisses and shiny wet skin rubbing. His orgasm was fast and unhinged his knees.

"Shizzy-chan doesn't last long."

"Poor thing!"

The Izayas laughed. Shizzy began to seriously wonder if his boyfriend was not a closet sadist after all.


	3. Chapter 3

"I have a plan!"

Izaya announced this to the other three. Shizuo had been soothed into not killing everyone with doses of nicotine followed by Shizzy's entire stack of expensive Cuban cigars. They sat in the living room, Shizzy making sure he put as much distance between himself and his counterpart as he possibly could.

"Spill it, louse."

"So nasty, Shizu-chan. Anyway, we must go to this world's version of the Sunshine building."

"How did you come up with that theory, genius?"

"I actually gave it some thought, Shizu-chan. Which is something that I understand is beyond your intellectual skills."

"You fucking flea, I'll-"

Izzy stepped in.

"My, my. No arguing for a bit."  
"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, both you and I were passing the Sunshine when we found ourselves here. So the best thing we can do is try to repeat that experiment and see how it goes."

Shizuo agreed with the reasoning but he was not going to admit it. Not in a million years.

*

Shizzy wanted to send the crazy pair on their way and leave it at that but Izzy insisted in taking them to Ikebukuro on his shiny Ferrari. And he also insisted on driving.  
Izaya and Shizuo sat on the backseat that had been cleaned.

"House, lawn, house, lawn, house, lawn, picket fence, house, lawn-"

"Shut the fuck up, I'm not blind! This fucking city is already horrible without you blabbering about it."

Izaya pouted.

"I'm offering my observation skills. People pay big money for them, you know."

Shizuo mumbled something and glowered. He was still doing that when Izzy slammed the brakes and piped merrily,

"Here we are! That's the Sunshine!"

Shizuo and Izaya stared at a tall building that stood from the cityscape. It was the only construction with more than two stories as much as they could tell and it also happened to be a collection of regular houses piled together.

"What the fuck is that supposed to be? That's the Sunshine? Bloody hate this world."

"It's okay Shizu-chan, we'll be back to our own 'bukuro soon enough."

Izaya pushed Shizuo out of the car and skipped around happily.

"Ha! See how much of a flea you are, jumping like that!"

"Yeah, yeah, get a new insult one of these days. Getting tired of 'flea' this and 'louse' that."

Shizzy did not know exactly what to expect but the sooner he got rid of the crazies the better. Izaya waved at them, bowed and took a few more steps before disappearing as if by magic. Shizzy was baffled but his counterpart apparently saw nothing particularly amazing about such an unlikely contradiction of physics.

"Izaya! If you think you can leave me in this fucked place, you've got another thing coming!"

And with this Shizuo picked up the traffic sign that he had brought along and dashed after Izaya, disappearing just as abruptly. Shizzy sighed.

"Glad that is over."

Izzy looked at the now empty street before him. And then he dragged Shizzy by the arm and followed the odd pair.

"I want to see their Tokyo!"

Shizzy was caught by surprise so before he knew precisely what was going on, their world was gone and they were in a strange busy street with bright neon signs all over and towering buildings.

"Shizzy! Isn't it amazing!"

Izzy looked around, his eyes very wide. Shizzy recognized this place from the pictures as the other Tokyo and his stomach turned. It was night but you could almost miss the fact since there were so many lights.

"Let's just turn back."

"But we're already here! Might as well explore some! I always wanted to go on holidays to some exotic location but work never lets me go anywhere. And I wanted to bring Shizzy with me…"

Shizzy felt his resolve waver. He knew that this was a bad idea all around but Izzy was giving his best sad kitty expression.

"But who will feed the dog…"

"Don't worry! I asked a neighbor to take care of all that! And we can always go back after we check out this place."

"Right…"

Izzy took his hand and so Shizzy had no choice but to walk down a brightly lit street that was closed to traffic. From a distance they spotted Shizuo dragging Izaya along the pavement behind him.

"Let's follow them!"

Shizzy wanted to protest but the weird pair did not get very far but came to a halt in front of a bar.

"Don't fire me! It's this flea's fault, I landed in this weird Tokyo, as in a different version and it sucked. But that's why I didn't come to work. Blame Izaya!"

For emphasis Shizuo dangled Izaya in the air. A voice from inside answered this diatribe without revealing its owner to Shizzy and Izzy who could not quite see from their perch.

"Shizuo-kun, this is not the first time you leave the bar unattended to go chase after Orihara. Now, it's none of my business if you're in love with him or anything-"

"What!?"

"-but there's no need to come up with such a ridiculous excuse."

"It's true! You tell him, you flea you!"

Izaya tried to shrug in mid air.

"Shizu-chan is so scary...my mind is blank with fear."

"You liar!"

Shizuo dropped Izaya and he landed gracefully enough.

Shizuo-kun, I'll let you off the hook this time since you were only gone for a couple of minutes but next time around try settling your personal problems with in your free time. Either way I'm closing the bar now."

"Only a few minutes…?"

"You know how it goes, Shizu-chan! Time had different speeds depending on the dimension. Don't you read sci-fi? It happens all the time."

"Whatever. I'm just gonna forget this nightmare ever happened."

Shizuo scowled. The bar's owner added,

"Oh and one more thing, Shizuo-kun. Don't look so menacing, you scare the costumers."

"Today was a bad day for Shizu-chan, he bottomed for the first time and the experience traumatized him greatly. I don't suppose your bar offers health services complete with shrinks?"

Shizuo was about to really squash Izaya once and for all. But an annoying voice that he knew too well piped behind him.

"Izaya, hello! We decided to drop by for a visit! Woah, this is Ikebukuro? So much more amazing that ours! Right, Shizzy?"

Shizzy was busy trying to tiptoe into the cover of an alley but Shizuo spotted him right away. Shizuo then proceeded to literally shove poor Shizzy right in front of his boss.

"Ha! See this guy? Looks just like me but is a bloody wimp, anyway, he's from the other world. I am telling the truth! Here's the proof."

"Just because you've got a twin doesn't prove any of your crazy talk. You've been obsessing over Izaya way too much."

Simon was doing his promotional rounds and quite happy that it was so quiet around Ikebukuro when he spotted them.

"Goodnight, Orihara-san. Goodnight, Orihara-san. Goodnight, Heiwajima-san. Goodnight, Heijwa-"

Shizuo, still holding Shizzy under his arm, leapt in front of Simon.

"Why the hell do you keep repeating yourself? Russian…louse!"

This entire experience had been horrific to Shizuo, to the point of taxing his already frayed self-control considerably and of reducing his never too broad vocabulary.

"But there are two Orihara-sans and Heiwajima-sans. Must greet them all."

Simon had no idea how they had multiplied like this but he did wonder whether the world would survive this ever so unlikely event. Unfortunately he had taken to heart all the books that insisted that the Japanese were a very polite people and that one must at all costs be up to their standards of etiquette. It was very clear that the authors of said books had never met Heiwajima Shizuo or Orihara Izaya and were probably happier for that.

"Oh look! It's my dentist!"

Izzy recognized Simon right away.

"Could it be that in your world Simon is a dentist? Good for you, Simon!"

Shizuo spat on the ground. Simon was sure that this went against the rules of polite society.

"It's like an oversized fucking louse!"

In all fairness Shizuo had no reason for hating Simon but he currently hated everyone and anyone that crossed his path.

"Yeah, yeah, Shizu-chan we have all heard this by now. Several times. You really need to expand your insults and add some variety."

Shizuo humphed. His boss chimed in.

"Shizuo-kun, you really can't go off running around whenever you hear that Izaya is around. I know you have an Izaya-radar but this is becoming ridiculous. Do that again and you're fired."

Shizuo bowed his head.

"Yes, sir."

"Oh I know! Let's all go to a public bath!"

Izaya cheered his own idea. Shizuo growled something about how he was not going to go anywhere with clone louses. His boss interrupted the angry rant.

"You better go and calm down. Just go, chill at the bath and get over this obsession."

Shizuo forgot that his job, the third one he had this month, was on the line here.

"I'm not obsessed!"

"You throw darts at Izaya's picture in the backroom. Don't think I don't know about it."

Izaya giggled like a giddy schoolgirl.

"It's because I hate him because he's a-"

"If you say 'louse' I will fire you."

Shizuo closed his mouth.

"-annoying guy."

*

And that was how Shizuo found himself in a sentō with the two Izayas and his counterpart. He stayed in a corner as far removed from the craziness as he could and cursed his luck. The Izayas were having the time of their lives, splashing around happily which told Shizuo that they were water fleas.

"Is this kind of thing normal in this world….?"

Shizzy had no idea how this naked fraternization, for lack of a better word, was legal. This Tokyo was as scary as these inhabitants.

"It's a Japanese tradition! So we brought Simon along to experiment it!"

Simon sat on a bench and tried very hard to think that he was somewhere else. Anywhere would do. He had absolutely no intention of experimenting anything, he was just waiting until they forgot about him so that he could flee. Izaya and Izzy decided that this was a wonderful time for spinning around for reasons unknown.

"Better than a swivel chair!"

"Wheee!"

They ended up dizzy enough to collapse on top of each other. Shizzy stared straight ahead because his mind was going many places at the same time. The Izayas were very naked and as ever at ease as humanly possible. And then some more. Simon reached the conclusion that these places were every bit as shady as he thought they were. No great surprises here. He made a mental note to completely avoid greeting them even if it went against the customs of the land. What kind of land sported being naked as leisure, anyway.

The Izayas decided that now was the right time to glue together and rub wet skin against wet skin. Shizuo gritted his teeth.

"Louses only know how to do _that_."

Izzy splashed to the glowering man and straddled him. Shizuo still wanted to wring the neck but at least he was topping. And there was something to be said about that. Izzy had been wanting to try on this über violent version of his Shizuo since he had laid eyes on him. And what Shizzy didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Shizuo slammed him against the tiles and roughly pushed into him.

Izaya did not want to stay behind so he approached Shizzy and took him fully in the mouth. Shizzy was not expecting this and he moaned loudly as he felt tongue and lips working on his length. Meanwhile Shizuo was having some sort of predicament. His mind was becoming somewhat hazy so if he was to get his revenge against the two dreadful clones, this was the time and he might as well get even with this Shizzy person that was simply an embarrassment all around.

Shizuo grabbed Izzy by the neck and pushed him against the other Izaya.

"Louses should do it with louses, blood hell."

Izzy took the cue right away. He did not get to top everyday and he was most definitely looking forward to it. So he now took the chance to press himself until he was inside Izaya who looked over his shoulder and smiled around the dick that he held in his mouth. Izzy was enjoying the feeling of tightness closing in on him but he forgot about it as soon as Shizuo shoved his big dick inside him. Pain flared up and he jolted forward out of reflex.

"…hurts!"

"You don't say, Izaya."

Izzy was tempted to disclose his identity and inform the crazy Shizuo that he was not that Izaya but he knew that it would be pointless. Not to mention that as soon as Shizuo began to move in and out, his mind went blank, pain mingling with intermittent pleasure. Soon enough he was rocking in tandem with the pendulum-like motion that sent him deep into his counterpart and back at the angry man that filled him to the brim.

Izaya lapped at the dripping pre-cum that oozed from Shizzy's tip and bobbed his head up and down as he layered the entire length with spittle, his mouth covering it whole over and over. Shizzy closed his eyes at the warm feeling that spread from his lower belly to his whole body.

"Fucking louses!"

Shizuo was very angry indeed and he took it out on Izzy by brusquely thrusting into him so that the four of them settled for a steady pace, wet skin becoming hotter with each second. Izaya added pressure to his sucking and swallowed the thick salty liquid that gushed into his mind as Shizzy came. Izaya squirmed as orgasm tided him over in a series of waves that triggered Izzy's own climax as he released into his counterpart. Shizzy was happily floating in his afterglow when Shizuo punched him in the face and sent him flying through a brick wall.

"And fuck you too!"

Shizuo pulled at Izzy's hair hard enough to end with two handfuls of it by the time he was done shooting his seed into him. And he was still rather angry even as he collapsed backwards and sat in the water. The Izayas fell asleep almost immediately, apparently Izzy was not very bothered by the loss of a few strands of his glossy hair. Shizuo got out of the tub and without a warning he picked up Simon and threw him against the awful louses. So much for that nuisance. He left the sentō still grumbling under the breath but he was considerably happier. Shizuo smiled as he lit a cigarette. The hell with this insanity.

Meanwhile, Shinra was having a very interesting conversation.

"Celty, with this device we can visit alternative worlds!"

[I doubt it. And what good would that do?]

"Maybe we can find a version of your head in another dimension! Let's try it again."

Shinra pulled a switch. And suddenly found Shizuo found himself surrounded by Izayas. A Tokyo worth of them. Stomping on phones, pretending to ride bikes, turning around in swivel chairs and all along cackling wildly.

"Izaya! I'll kill you! All of you! Even if it takes me the rest of my life!"

The Izayas all chanted in unison.

"Shi-zu-chan~!"

And this was how Heiwajima Shizuo learnt that indeed there was a hell.

**The End.**


End file.
